Female frustration at the funeral home.

The woes of a crippled, female undertaker:

For the past 3 years, I've dedicated my life to a career that has yet to accept women, and persons with disabilities on a grand scale. That is not to say that ladies and the disabled can never find work in this field, but it's certainly more difficult, due to the nature and expectations of the job, and the fact that most businesses are small and family owned. Personally, I like to blame it on the old man dinosaurs that dominate the industry.

The first job I had in this field was at a small, family owned business. Looking back, remembering the eyes of doubt when I walked into the interview, I'm sure I was hired on a combination of desperation for help, and pity. I was even told that no matter where I went afterwards I would have to work very hard to prove myself, as most businesses of this nature don't exactly love to hire skinny women. While I appreciated the honesty, It's really left a cloud of inadequacy looming over my head ever since. I put my whole self into it, and proved that I am not only an excellent worker, but I'm very good at what I do. I also became good friends with my boss, which eventually got me my second job...

My second job was at a large, busy, corporately owned funeral home. I was practically handed the job, but when they found out I had a permanent physical disability they tried to let me go before I even started. I fought my way in, and turned out to be one of the best workers there, in spite of having a vagina, being thin, and having metal rods in my back. I also surprised myself and others in the amount of weight I could move around for my size. I've received countless compliments on my work by both coworkers and the families we serve. Despite this, I also still receive lots of criticism for not being able to lift as much as the men, and am subject to snide remarks and the evil eye if I'm having a bad day and am just unable to lift anything due to back pain (which happens surprisingly infrequently, say, 2 days a month).

Here's my dilemma. In 3 months, I am eligible to take my exam for both my funeral director and embalming licenses. At that point, my contract at my current job ends. I am being encouraged by management to find another job, saying there are no positions available for me after my contract is up. However, it's obvious to me, and my coworkers that there will be at least 2 positions available when my contract is finished.

The lower half of the management knows that I am one of the best workers they have, but the upper half, who obviously call the shots, are less willing to budge. That being said, I do plan on talking with the owner, and reapplying, because they know as well as i do that finding good employees in this industry is impossible at best. They keep trying to hire young men, which for the most part disappoint them due to poor work ethic, entitlement issues and overall laziness. But it doesn't seem to change the fact that they seem like they would rather replace me with a succession of about a dozen tough looking lazy 20-something year old dudes who have no interest or dedication to the work we do. They've even gone as far as approaching random guys in various customer service roles, offering them a salary, and offering to pay for them to go to school so they could have them to work with. It's flopped every time.

I'm starting to become disillusioned. If the company I work for knows how great I am at my job and won't renew my contract, how will I ever convince anyone else that I'm worthy of a job despite my obvious setbacks? There's also the problem that NOWHERE in Canada is hiring. A couple places in Toronto are hiring, but alas, my license is not transferable to Ontario. I was already rejected by a place in Calgary because my experience was one year short of what they wanted. Things may open up in the next couple months, but so far the job possibilities are an absolute zero. It's a difficult industry to get back into if you leave, so I don't really want to do something else for a couple years while I wait for a new job to open up, but I'm really not horny over relocating to the other side of the country either. I really need some advice!


Maybe it's only logical to accept what we can easily see -- in this case, that you're a frail-looking, disabled woman -- but it seems silly that we'll let what we can see speak to us so loudly regardless of what we can know -- in this case, that you're a dedicated, hard-working and competent employee. Here's something that fills me with rage: why is it that the people who know better are often not wont to speak up when something not fair is going on? Your lower-level managers can vouch for you, so why the Hell don't they? This isn't the damn industrial revolution. Nobody's going to get a belt lash.

Anyway, forgive a cliche, but while you can't judge a book by its cover, it doesn't change the fact that few people have time to sit down and read. While we all can agree (maybe for appearance's sake) that appearances can be deceiving, it's an unspoken fact that appearances are important, and especially at work. Dress... hair-colour... last I checked you actually can't even work at Starbucks if you've got a certain amount of metal in your face. We can say it's not fair on some level, but what are many of us going to do about it, if employers are private businesses and criteria for employment is ultimately -- and at times arbitrarily -- determined by them?

In your case, it depends on what you can do with this phrase, courtesy of the Canadian Human Rights Commission: “Duty to Accommodate.” I'm not a lawyer or even all that knowledgeable in the field of human rights -- my sense of right and wrong is mostly intuitive -- so my understanding of the term is only so complete.

But, if you were hired by a company, and they knowingly entertained your employment while you had a pre-existing condition, and they can demonstrate no proof that it made you particularly bad at your job, there is a good chance said company cannot let your disability be a factor in whether your contract is renewed, or whether you should be considered for another, future position with them.

Maybe your employer is aware of this, and maybe that's why they're telling you there will just be no work, but if it turns out there actually will be work, well, geez. They probably kind of have to prove any reasons they'd have for not keeping you around, even if your contract is up.

That is, if you took action. Maybe it would be as simple as pointing it out to them that you know this stuff, in the event you re-applied and they did something as stupid as hire somebody else for a job you could perform. But just in case they're not eager to be decent human damn beings... because I suspect you do not belong to a union, and because it sounds like you work for a bigger chain and those tend to have pretty good lawyers, the previously mentioned Canadian Human Rights Commission would be your best bet for help. And even if you don't choose to make a big deal over your current situation (which I would understand, though the idealist in me hopes you would try what you could), or if the whole thing unfolds in a way that makes it impossible or unnecessary to act, it sounds like it would be a good idea for someone in your position to become familiar with your rights and your options in the likely event that you experience future discrimination in your field. So hit the CHRC up, starting with their overview on Duty to Accommodate.

Aside from that, and back to the often insurmountable issue of appearances, do you see a physical therapist? A personal trainer? How about a nutritionist? I understand that your condition would effect your ability to pump iron, and I don't doubt that you are more than cognizant of any limitations your back rods place on your body, and maybe I have way too much faith in treadmills, but I wonder what could be done (safely!) to make you appear more sturdy, at the very least? And, maybe even low-impact arm-beef-producing activity like yoga would have a nice side-effect of actually making you a little stronger and improving handy things like core balance (which reduces everybody's chances of shattering hips and tearing tendons and straining joints). It could even give you something to say to make you more attractive to prospective employers who would take issue with your disability, and you could back it up with the strides you've made so far in your career. “I'm in training, shithawks! Not only have I already exceeded everyone's expectations, my condition could improve! I'm trying to do something about my situation! That's dedication and being proactive, bitches! Suck it! YOUHAVE2HIREME.” Or perhaps something more diplomatic.