Monday madness… yawn.

Boring: I’m pretty tired.

Exciting: I took a trip this weekend! It was really great.

Boring: It was also exhausting. And, upon returning to my home city, it took me two hours to get from the train station to my dwelling due to multiple malfunctions of public transit.

Exciting: I received several notes concerning Thursday’s and Friday’s letters.

First, my friend Mel, who is a mom, discusses her feelings on Nadya Suleman, she of many aliases and, uh, kids:

Oh man I am also slightly obsessed.

I feel if anyone is moved to death threats then all of their touching notes should be directed toward the Dr. who made this all possible. It was hugely irresponsible & dangerous for all involved. At least Octopussy was emotionally invested & perhaps unstable...what is his excuse?

So now we have 8 little babies who will almost definitely grow into 8 little kids with huge medical issues & then 8 adults who will still carry the effects of the Dr's irresponsibility.

They have to worry about infections, heart problems, eye problems, nervous system problems. They have increased rick of CP & autism. As a Dr. he should NEVER have done this.

I don't even know what to say about her. She is like the crazy cat lady of babies.

Snickers! Crazy cat lady! Yeah, apparently this guy has also fertilized another woman in the states, who is now pregnant with quadruplets or some such large brood. Like I said, I’m all for the procedure, I am not in the least bit freaked out by in-vitro and fertility treatments… as long as they’re safe. This business does not appear to be.

Then, I got lots of comment on the guy who wrote to vent a bit and solicit advice concerning his sex life with his girlfriend, whom he felt was not performing to her fullest capacity.

My pal S.B. was perhaps not as kind to our letter-writer as me, but her sentiment was generally the same – communication is important, and he likely could do with a lot more talking and listening:

To be honest, I think the problem is probably on both ends. Maybe the boy should try to be more receptive to the body language of his girl while they're getting it on. It's a matter of talking, but he should also ask himself if he's actually open to the communication HER body. It is about talking, but it's more about listening to the other.
Sex is a team effort. In order for it to be awesome, the players have to be in sync with each other, and to be in sync, you have to listen.
By the way, to the dude, did you even stop to think that the reason why she's not doing much is because YOU'RE doing a crappy job? Maybe you're too busy looking for your own pleasure in all this to be able to entice her into having a good time. These things don't just happen for girls.

My friend Johnny swung by again to give his two cents:

This is all good advice, except it seems to ignore the possibility the girl might just be a bad lay.

Let me be a bit more specific: she might be a bad lay for you. We're not all "one size fits all". Different people have different sexual chemistry, and it might just be that you two are incompatible.

By all means, take M's advice and talk to your girlfriend. I would suggest before sex you talk to her about what turns her on. Be open about what your turns are too! (And I'm not talking about major fetishes or anything, but things like "It'd be hot if you wore some sexy socks when I was fucking you", or "I like be fucked against a wall," etc.) Incorporating those little things into sex will make it hotter for both of you!

But if you're not getting anywhere with talking then dump her. Otherwise, you will seek satisfying sex elsewhere and end up hurting her more than a breakup talk ever would.

I did draw attention to the chemistry principle – people are different psychologically and sexually, which could explain some of the hitches you’ve been hitting so far. Maybe I didn’t make it clear enough that while time and increased familiarity can sometimes be the fix for a few of the situations, it’s definitely not a guarantee. Things can fail if you do manage to talk, too, but two good potential outcomes are: 1) expressing yourselves solves your problems and the relationship is saved and 2) you find out that all the talking in the world won’t make you soul mates and you quit wasting time with each other. I guess I figured the possibility of incompatibility was a given!

I don’t know if before sex is such a great idea -- that is, if you’re looking to have a frank talk. If you want to avoid having an earnest discussion on things, because you already have an idea of what you’d like your encounters to be like, by all means just go ahead and make suggestions just like Johnny uh, suggested, and put those suggestions into practice together real quick. But if you’re interested in getting at the why, I actually don’t think such a conversation should be a prelude to sex. You might require a calm atmosphere in a timeslot when you’re not doing much of anything else and when you’re feeling close to each other, I figure.

And Johnny is right: once it’s become apparent to you that it’s just not going to work, you need to follow through on that conclusion and make your classy exit. Sometimes dumping somebody can be the most stand-up, respectful thing you can do for them. A person who allows himself or herself to remain only partly invested in their partner is actually not giving their partner much regard at all.

And lastly, my buddy Richard McRichardson chimes in from afar:

He should definitely talk to her. But what if things don't work out? What if, after all of the conversation, explanation, and communication, things still aren't so steamy in the bedroom?

It might feel harsh to dump someone over bad sex, but let's face it: sex is a very important part of the vast majority of relationships. It's not "superficial" to value the physical aspects of your relationship along with the emotional ones and, frankly, bad sex could very well be worth dumping someone over. But let's not be hasty.

It's important that, along with all the communication, you give this time. Changes may not happen overnight, and she might have to adjust to your particular tastes in a number of ways. But if, at the end of the day, the sex is still bad, you're well within your rights to (politely!) call things off. Maybe she's a really cool person, and maybe the two of you can still be great friends, but trying to maintain an exclusive relationship with someone where the sex is disappointingly bad will just lead to disaster. One way or another she'll sense your dissatisfaction, which won't make her feel any better about things, and you'll probably either really regret missing out on all of the great sex you could be having in another relationship or, worse yet, cheat on her. Ending the relationship could very well be the honorable thing to do.

There is another option if the sex is still bad, if she's open to it, and that would be for the two of you to have an open relationship. That kind of arrangement is most certainly NOT for everyone, but if you really connect with this person emotionally and they can't fulfill your physical desires you might want to consider discussing the possibility of seeking physical pleasure with other partners. This is a last-ditch solution, and in all honesty it would probably be easier, safer, and more respectable to just end the relationship - introducing other partners to the mix partway through an exclusive relationship is FAR from easy - but that doesn't mean the possibility should be ignored entirely either.

Worth saying! Well put.

Richard is going to help me out with Tuesday’s letter. Ahem!

Tomorrow, a dude wants to know if his lack of butterflies and other associated stomach ailments is an indication that his long-distance relationship is going nowhere.