Confidential to the Bitter Barista

Goldfish grow according to the space allotted them. If you put a goldfish in a bowl, he'll be pretty small. If you put him in a big tank, he'll get big. The point is, relative to the size of the container, though he's likely the biggest thing in there, you have still not seen the ocean.

Many shopping addictions find their roots in a habitual lack of perspective, either a lack of awareness or a disregard for something like this goldfish equation. Some people go to like, Northumberland Mall, and find that the most interesting store in there is, like, Smart Set. Maybe you've been to other stores, but in the moment that you've chosen to spend at Northumberland Mall, the only store you can think of is Smart Set, because it's right in front of you and it's the least offensive thing there. So you spend all your money on stuff from Smart Set. A few months later you go to Toronto and find the damn Eaton Centre and you could tear your hair out over all the overpriced polyester shit you bought in Miramichi.

This same lack of perspective is often to blame for some of the more ludicrous relationships people find themselves in. Some men find that they become pussy magnets simply for being the least offensive-looking guys in a community, workplace, or english class. Women who pursue them may be guilty of over-compartmentalizing their lives, to either be dumped in favour of the guy continuing his tour of the tank, or to wake up one day and realize: "My perception is being influenced by the confines of a particular social construct. There are better men in other places. I've seen them! By mistake! On my way to the places I always go!"

In summary, don't mourn the children you never had with the guy who is simply the best looking and least homosexual man at the bloody Starbucks you work in. Get out more, and not just to find somebody, but to see what else exists. And make sure you're choosing people who are not just better than what else you've seen because that is often not enough.