The pink and red elephant in the room

So it's Friday, February 13th. Somewhat predictably, I got a ton of Valentine’s Day-related mail towards the end of this week. I don’t have room to run all of the letters, and because they also somewhat predictably bring up the same main issues, I couldn’t really pick one to use over the others.

Consensus is: people be stressin’ over a Hallmark holiday. Sure, there are the little sweetie pies who are racking their brains trying to come up with something that is enough for their treasured ones (cuuuuute), but then there are people who are going to burn down the candy store.

Some people don’t have an S.O. so they feel left out or even rage-filled. Some people are spoken for but they’re a little afraid to be disappointed. Some people are resenting the obligation to behave differently or more extravagantly tomorrow. It goes on. Whatever.

There’s a lot of anti-Valentine’s Day sentiment out there, a la “it sucks that there’s this social construction geared towards making money for corporations by making people feel bad about themselves.” Valid! I’m not going to take anybody who wants to criticize consumption and commercial manipulation to court because I am on that train like nobody’s business these days.

But, sociology and economics aside, in a purely psychological and existential sense: well-adjusted people who are satisfied in their lives don’t give a damn.

Valentine’s Day triggers an introspective sentiment in a lot of people; it doesn’t create problems, it simply draws attention to problems. Personally, I like cupcakes and chocolate and flowers and crafts and will do low key things for platonic friends and romantic partners alike if the mood strikes and I have the time and resources. But I’ve noticed that Valentine’s Day finds me a little more self-conscious than usual, and intentionally or not I’ve ended up in meditations on the nature of the relationship in the public sphere, and on my relationship in particular, if I was in one. My mood this time of year is always very telling, and I can only assume the case is the same with others. It's the definition of idiotic to resent something just because it makes you think.

If Valentine’s Day gives you a bad feeling about being single, for example, a feeling so bad that it drives you to waste energy being incredulous or very depressed about it: It’s quite possible you’re not happy about being single.

Some people are insistent. “I’m perfectly satisfied when not attached, it’s my parents/friends/coworkers/ex-lovers who make me feel worthless about it with their showing off and shit.” Well, either you’re too easily convinced to feel worthless and therefore not happy about being single, or you require too much validation from others in this area of your life, or your non-romantic relationships with or attitudes about these people need work. All of these are issues deserving of attention, and pre-existing February 14th 2009. Do something about it. Don’t blame Cupid. He’s imaginary. It's not productive.

And don’t despair. For, there is this, my paper lace and macaroni heart to you:

http://sorry-mom.com/

There is much comfort to be drawn, perspective to be gained and lessons to be learned from reading the hook-up horror stories of others. He doesn’t bring you flowers anymore? At least he’s not this guy. Dude, you think you don’t have the first clue about how to handle women? You’re probably in better shape than this guy. And so on.

And don't forget: discount chocolate next week! I can't wait.